Sex at Midlife
Article by
Aisling Grimley.
Our sexuality is a fundamental part of who we are, yet we rarely discuss or explore it. Emily Power Smith has the language and information to help us consider what sex means to us and possibly unlock or unblock an important aspect of our lives. She recently gave a very uplifting and affirming talk to a group of women in The Merrion Hotel in Dublin. Here are some of the highlights of the evening.
Emily Power Smith - inspiring women to enjoy their unique sexuality
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Stepping out of our comfort zones
An enlightened group of women gathered in The Merrion Hotel last night and reaped the rewards of this step out of their comfort zones. I think many of us left inspired to rethink our sexuality and see it as something to own and enjoy. It was a unique and inspirational evening. We got off to a flying start when Emily arrived with some delicious strawberries and home-made chocolates in appropriate shapes (genitalia of course) to have with our glass of wine. Meanwhile, Shawna Scott had set up her award-winning Sex Siopa in the elegant surrounds of the chadelier and gilt-mirror clad Wellington Room. The room was a-buzz with the brilliant women who came along. Many told me that had tried to get pals to come along but their friends were too shy/embarassed - maybe next time? There was nothing seedy or uncomfortable about the evening. The atmosphere was relaxed and warm, Emily's style is straight, open-minded and fun. She is the most qualified person in her field in Ireland - brilliant for us that she's also a woman in her mid-40s.
Here are some of my take-home messages from last night:
Good sex is in our hands, there's no biological reason why sex can't be great into our 80s. For me the starting point is about body confidence and self-acceptance and I'm going to take on board a lot of what I learned last night.
Some questions to ponder:
- How is your health and lifestyle?
- What are your attitudes to your body/sexuality ?
- Where do they come from?
- Do they make you feel good or bad?
How to make sex enjoyable...
Good nutrition helps sexual health, in particular - Vitamin D, Zinc, Fish OIls and B Vitamins.
Statins and anti depressants lower libido.
How to Keep the Spark Alive for You - we sat on the edges of our seats as Emily elaborated on the following points:
- Masturbate! - This is the foundation it seems. Make sexy time for yourself 3 times a week for 20 mins (might have to give up making the dinner - too busy!!)
- Lubricate! We can't stress this enough. Our favourites at the moment are the super comfortable and slick sounding Sliquid and Sylk lubricants.
- Communicate!
- Stretch
- Exercise
- Eat, drink and rest well
- Have adventures
- Keep learning/questioning/challenging
Here are some more of my scribbled notes: be vulnerable, dance, laugh, sleep naked, find new ways to be romantic, don't compartmentalise, for women fore play is all day, masturbation is the foundation, expand your idea of what sex can be be, keep eye contact, try open eyed orgasm(!), watch a sex-ed video, watch films like The Secretary, The Notebook.
Lubricate, masturbate, communicate...
If you were there please add to my collection of messages. If you didn't make it last night make sure not to miss the next one. I'm planning another event with Emily, probably in the Autumn. There's also a lot of interest from the men I've been speaking to over the past few days, they'd like to have an equivalent evening for them.
Read Emily's last blog here for more inspirational information.
Some feedback from people who were at Emily's talk:
"Thanks a million for last night. As a rather conservative person by nature, this was a refreshing and informative talk and I need time to think about it as it was very challenging to my belief system!" Ann
"I just wanted to congratulate you on organising such a great talk. I loved how you met everyone and introduced yourself, it mad me feel welcomed and very at ease. I would really love to attend more talks and hope that you could keep the same format of having a small intimate group but maybe for a longer time as I think people were only beginning to relax enough to start contributing. To prove the success of last nights event, G and I have been friends for 32 years and today was the very first time we talked about sex and what it's like for us. Congratulations and well done again." Joan
"Just a quick note to thank you so much for organizing our talk with Emily Power, It was fantastic,
and really got one thinking there after!! We all enjoyed it, it was very informative indeed.
Looking forward to your next interesting invite for us wonderful Menopausal Women." Mary
"Congratulations on a great night on Friday. It was just fantastic and so important. Isn't it funny - I know you could have filled the RDS with interested people - a work in progress. It was lovely to be a part of such a relaxed atmosphere throughout the evening. It will be so nice over the years to see how through your work that women benefit. I look forward to promoting it in my clinic." Maeve
"Thanks a milion for last night, it was fantastic. Really enjoyable and you both spoke brilliantly. Emily is quite a character and force of nature. Just brilliant!" Gill
"Hi Aisling, thanks for a great night, so interesting and relaxed with a great group of people. Thanks so much, and thank you for my great raffle prize". Lizzie
"Thanks for a great night - it was great fun and inspiring!" Catherine
"Aisling, last night certainly was a night with a difference!! So interesting, informative and entertaining.....I really enjoyed it." Kate
"Fascinating evening!! Well done for arranging such a great event, I'm inspired." Jane
"Bravo! Great night, Well done." E
"Hi Aisling
Thank you for organising the night. It certainly beat another Friday night in front of The Late Late hands down for entertainment and information!! I originally attended in a professional capacity as I work in the area of Women's Health but ended up learning so much for my own personal benefit, not to mention my husband's!" Fiona
For the latest event with more excellent testimonials have a read here.
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